SQL SERVER – SQL Joke, SQL Humor, SQL Laugh – 15 Signs to Identify Bad DBA

15 Signs to Identify Bad DBA

They think it is bug in SQL Server when two NULL values compared with each other but SQL Server does not say they equal to each other.
They do not rename the trigger name thinking it will not work after it is rename.
They are looking for difference between Index Scan or Table Scan on Google.
They reinstall the SQL Server if they forget the password of SA login.
They use model database for testing their script.
They believe compiled stored procedure is production ready.
They prefix all stored procedures with ‘sp_’ to be consistent with MS naming convention.
They believe it is best to use stored procedure to move million records across database.
They index all the fields in database to improve the performance.
They believe that adding a foreign key constraint with the ‘Enforce Relationship’ checkbox unchecked is best way to apply relationships as it ensures relationships with ‘constraint errors’ while modifying the data.
They believe SELECT * is better than including all the columns name in SELECT as SQL has to read less syntax.
They believe Rules are better than Constraints and try to convert all constraints to rules.
They add new column in four steps : Create a new table, Copy all the data over, Drop the old table, Rename the new table.
They believe there is bug with SQL Server that it auto creates Clustered Index every time Primary Key is created on table.
They think this article is not funny or disagree with at least 5 of the points above.

Note: Please consider this post as humor, when I started to learn about SQL many years ago I disagreed with all of the above points.

Reference : Pinal Dave (https://blog.sqlauthority.com), Web-Article

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7 Comments. Leave new

  • Hi Pinal,
    It’s simply superb,I questioned myself honestly not @ first but started to take my inventory – found to be adsolutly true.
    Best Regards

  • Hey Pinal,
    you r simply gr8!!!

  • SEEK means that a useful index exists that is helpful for finding a match for the given query. Only data with pointers matching the index need to be retrieved.
    ex index on emp_lname
    select xx,xx where emp_lname=’bhindi singh’
    adv: Less data and fast

    A index SCAN reads all of the pointers of the index to find the match and occurs when an index exists that is only partially helpful. The index might only be partially helpful if there is relatively low selectivity in the distribution of the data. Data that is relatively unique is said to have a higher degree of selectivity whereas data that is less unique has a lower degree of selectivity.
    ex index on emp_lname
    select xx,xx where emp_lname like ‘bhindi%’
    adv: more data and mix and match of search
    disadv: more time

    A TABLE SCAN occurs when no useful indexes exist. A TABLE SCAN reads all data, row by row, to find the match.

    select xx,xx where emp_lname like ‘bhindi%’
    select xx,xx where emp_lname = ‘bhindi singh’
    only good for small table with less records.

    In general, SEEKing is more efficient than SCANning; however, a SCAN might be faster than a SEEK if the table is relatively small and cached in memory.

  • Hi Pinal,

    It is great.Some pbls are read as funny and some pbls can get some points frm urs .

    Thank You.

    Anand K

  • Hi Pinal,

    your articles are really helpful.
    Thanks for all the information you are giving to us.


  • Victor Carlos
    May 29, 2008 2:53 am

    “They think it is bug in SQL Server when two NULL values compared with each other but SQL Server does not say they equal to each other.”

    Once i see that one of my friends at the office was comparing two NULL values, and it made me laugh :D

  • this just taught me to stop using sp_


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