SQLAuthority News – Humorous SQL Cake – Funny SQL Cake

I  received the following interesting images in email during the past 2 months. I think they are superbly hilarious! I received them from various people at different times, so their is unknown.

Let me know which of the following images you find the most interesting.

cake0 SQLAuthority News   Humorous SQL Cake   Funny SQL Cake

cake1 SQLAuthority News   Humorous SQL Cake   Funny SQL Cake

cake2 SQLAuthority News   Humorous SQL Cake   Funny SQL Cake

cake3 SQLAuthority News   Humorous SQL Cake   Funny SQL Cake

cake5 SQLAuthority News   Humorous SQL Cake   Funny SQL Cake

cake6 SQLAuthority News   Humorous SQL Cake   Funny SQL Cake

Hope you enjoyed watching them!

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

The Poll – What is Your Favorite Database?

What is Your Favorite Database?

I have been listening so many different answer to question of favorite database. I would like to know what is favorite database of SQLAuthority.com readers. I encourage all of you to participate in this poll. It is very quick poll and takes a second.

A gift of USB drive will be provided to user who will also add comment discussing this subject matter. I encourage to send emails to your friends to participate in poll. I am hopping this poll becomes landmark poll for people who are finding answer to favorite database.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

SQLAuthority News – Humor – Favorite Website – Funny Image

I just received this image in email and I found it really funny. I do not know the source of the image or is it photoshopped. Thanks David Marsee for the image and email.

favwebsite SQLAuthority News   Humor   Favorite Website   Funny Image

If you have something really funny like this, please send them to me. Please do not leave comment regarding grammatical mistake in image as I am sure David (who send email) did not mean it.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com)

SQLAuthority News – SQL Injection – SQL Joke, SQL Humor, SQL Laugh

It has been long time since I wrote about SQL Humor. Following is the cartoon sent to me by many (more than 10 times) so far by many users. I did not publish it till now as it has been quite popular and I believed many people has already seen it. However, recently by one of the quite big personality asked me why I have not included this in my blog, so I have finally decided to include that in my blog.

exploits of a mom SQLAuthority News   SQL Injection   SQL Joke, SQL Humor, SQL Laugh

Those who have not understood it, please leave comment here. I will do my best to explain.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com), Original Location of Cartoon.

SQL SERVER – 2008 – High Resolution Wallpaper and Screen Saver

Recently I came across two very interesting ‘objects’ of SQL Server 2008.

SQL Server 2008 High Resolution Wallpaper

SQL Server 2008 Screen Saver

Click Here to Download

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

SQLAuthority Author Visit – Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting – September 2008

On September 20, 2008 was one of the best day so far for Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting. We had two very interesting sessions by two SQL Server MVPs. SQL Server MVP Jacob Sebastian had began the meeting with very interesting introduction note.

Along with many news Usergroup President Jacob Sebastian announced that SQL Server 2008 RTM (Release to Manufactor) is out. Jacob explained that difference between CTP ( Community Technology Preview) and RTM. RTM means MS SQL Server developer team has signed off on final version of product. Currently, SQL Server 2008 is available to MSDN Subscribers, TechNet Subscribers, MVPs and few selected beta testers.

I wanted to display one interesting photo which I have found in email forward but due to confusion it was not available with me. I promised that I will have it posted on my blog. Here is the photograph of the SQL Server 2008 RTM cake.

sqlcake SQLAuthority Author Visit   Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting   September 2008

Jacob also announced that this blog author Pinal Dave (myself) will take over the charge of Vice President of Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group. I was very much involved with Las Vegas SQL Server User Group before I came back to India leading large outsourcing project.

I had presented session on CTE (Common Table Expressions). It was very interesting session and I enjoyed discussion. A Common Table Expression (CTE) is an expression that can be thought of as a temporary result set which is defined within the execution of a single SQL statement. A CTE is similar to a derived table in that it is not stored as an object and lasts only for the duration of the query.

Questions and Answers session was very interesting. We went over PowerPoint presentation and SQL Server Scripts. They are available to download here.

PowerPoint Presentation
SQL Server Demo Scripts

User Group President presented excellent session right after my session of CTE. He first explained real life example of recursive CTE. The example was finding dependancy chain of a database object. I suggest all my readers to go over the example if you have not attended the user group meeting. Jacob went over wonderful example explaining how recursive CTE works from inside SQL Server. This was one of the best explanation I personally ever heard. That part of session was exclusive for user group attendees. If you are interested about it, please contact other user group attendees to learn about it.

Here are the photographs of this event. All user group members enjoyed Ice Cream at the end of session.

 SQLAuthority Author Visit   Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting   September 2008

Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group – Pass Chapter

 SQLAuthority Author Visit   Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting   September 2008

Jacob Sebastian at Introduction Session

 SQLAuthority Author Visit   Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting   September 2008

Pinal Dave presenting session on CTE and Recursive CTE

 SQLAuthority Author Visit   Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting   September 2008

User Group Members

 SQLAuthority Author Visit   Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting   September 2008

Group photo of User Group Members

This meeting is also reviewed by Jacob Sebastian on his blog.There are additional photos and information available here. I would like to thank all of SQL Server User Group members who were present at meeting and those who missed the meeting please attend it next time.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

SQLAuthority News – Famous Quotes From Bill Gates – Part 2

My previous article about Bill Gates SQLAuthority News – Famous Quotes From Bill Gates got really lots of readers and got lots of request in email that I should have follow up article about other famous quotes from Bill Gates which are missing from original article. This blog is not about Quotes but SQL Server, but little fun never hurts. SQL Server is product of Microsoft, which Bill Gates is Chairman of, so indirectly this article is about SQL Server.

“The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.”
– Bill Gates

“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.”
– Bill Gates

“The Internet?  We are not interested in it.”
– Bill Gates, 1993

“Two years from now, spam will be solved.”
– Bill Gates, 2004

“I see little commercial potential for the Internet for at least ten years.”
– Bill Gates, 1994

“Life is not fair; get used to it.”
– Bill Gates

“Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.”
– Bill Gates

“If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good.”
– Bill Gates

“If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.”
– Bill Gates

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”
– Bill Gates

“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 MPG”
– Bill Gates

“In this business, by the time you realize you’re in trouble, it’s too late to save yourself. Unless you’re running scared all the time, you’re gone.”
– Bill Gates

“Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana.”
– Bill Gates

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

SQLAuthority News – Famous Quotes From Bill Gates

Bill Gates Quotes –

  • “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”
  • “Until we’re educating every kid in a fantastic way, until every inner city is cleaned up, there is no shortage of things to do.”
  • “If I’d had some set idea of a finish line, don’t you think I would have crossed it years ago?”
  • “If I had to say what is the thing that I feel best about, it’s being involved in this whole software revolution and what comes out of that.”
  • “Whenever new technologies come along, parents have a legitimate concern about how it’s being used. And the Internet had to be high on the list there.”
  • “We are living in a phenomenal age. If we can spend the early decades of the 21st century finding approaches that meet the needs of the poor in ways that generate profits and recognition for business, we will have found a sustainable way to reduce poverty in the world.”
  • “The finest pieces of software are those where one individual has a complete sense of exactly how the program works.”
  • “Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren’t so irritating.”
  • “Competition is always a fantastic thing, and the computer industry is intensely competitive. Whether it’s Google or Apple or free software, we’ve got some fantastic competitors and it keeps us on our toes.”
  • “If you give people tools, (and they use) their natural ability and their curiosity, they will develop things in ways that will surprise you very much beyond what you might have expected.”
  • “Paper is no longer a big part of my day. I get 90% of my news online, and when I go to a meeting and want to jot things down, I bring my Tablet PC. It’s fully synchronized with my office machine so I have all the files I need.”
  • “I think it’s fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we’ve ever created. They’re tools of communication, they’re tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user.”
  • “Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven. I don’t think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without talking about the other.”
  • “Is the rich world aware of how four billion of the six billion live? If we were aware, we would want to help out, we’d want to get involved.”
  • “To create a new standard, it takes something that’s not just a little bit different; it takes something that’s really new and really captures people’s imagination.”
  • “The finest pieces of software are those where one individual has a complete sense of exactly how the program works. To have that, you have to really love the program and concentrate on keeping it simple, to an incredible degree.”
  • “In terms of doing things I take a fairly scientific approach to why things happen and how they happen. I don’t know if there’s a God or not, but I think religious principles are quite valid.”
  • “Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.”
  • “We’ve done some good work, but all of these products become obsolete so fast… It will be some finite number of years, and I don’t know the number – before our doom comes.”
  • “Personal computing today is a rich ecosystem encompassing massive PC-based data centers, notebook and Tablet PCs, handheld devices, and smart cell phones. It has expanded from the desktop and the data center to wherever people need it – at their desks, in a meeting, on the road or even in the air.”
  • “If you show people the problems and you show people the solutions they will be moved to act.”
  • “If you get health, then you have opportunity for literacy. Health first, then literacy. Once you have literacy, then you have a chance to bring in the new tools of communication. Let people reach out and have access to the latest advances.”
  • “The Internet is becoming the town square for the global village of tomorrow.”
  • “Having kids has been a fantastic thing for me. It’s meant that I’m a little more balanced. In my twenties I worked massively, hardly took vacation at all. Now, I, with the help of my wife, I’m always making sure I’ve got a good balance of how I spend my time.”

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

SQLAuthority News – SQL Joke, SQL Humor, SQL Laugh – Funny Microsoft Quotes

I have received many emails that I should write more post like SQLAuthority News – SQL Joke, SQL Humor, SQL Laugh – Funny Quotes. If you want to read funny side of SQL and Technology you can surf my blog here SQL Humor. Following article is not copyrighted and is freely available here.

  • “640 K ought to be enough for anybody.”
    — Bill Gates, 1981
  • “I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possibly program, of all time. As the successor to DOS, which has over 10,000,000 systems in use, it creates incredible opportunities for everyone involved with PCs.”
    — Bill Gates – OS/2 Programmer’s Guide
  • “The best way to prepare [to be a programmer] is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their operating systems.” — Bill Gates, OS/2 Notebook, Microsoft Press, 1990, p. 614
  • “The Internet? We are not interested in it”
    — Bill Gates, 1993
  • “Sometimes we do get taken by surprise. For example, when the Internet came along, we had it as a fifth or sixth priority.”
    — Bill Gates, Jul, 1998
  • “We had planned to integrate a Web browser with our operating system as far back as 1993”
    Microsoft (27 Jul 1998, filing its first court responses to federal antitrust)
  • In response to Java: “Anybody who thinks a little 9,000-line program that’s distributed free and can be cloned by anyone is going to affect anything we do at Microsoft has his head screwed on wrong.”
    — Bill Gates
  • “Microsoft Products are Generally Bug Free”
    — Bill Gates
  • “There are people who don’t like capitalism, and there are people who don’t like PCs, but there’s no one who likes the PC who doesn’t like Microsoft.”
    — Bill Gates
  • “Like medieval peasants, computer manufacturers and millions of users are locked in a seemingly eternal lease with their evil landlord, who comes around every two years to collect billions of dollars of taxes in return for mediocre services”
    — Mark Harris, Electronics Times
  • “Microsoft does not innovate. It buys, imitates, or steals. It makes things difficult for software developers, and thus eventually for users.”
    — Richard Brandshaft, San Jose Mercury-New
  • “There is a fantasy in Redmond that Microsoft products are innovative, but this is based entirely on a peculiar confusion of the words “innovative” and “successful.” Microsoft products are successful — they make a lot of money — but that doesn’t make them innovative, or even particularly good.”
    — Robert X. Cringley
  • “A few weeks ago, a member of the audience at a [Bill] Gates speech in San Francisco asked simply this of the world’s richest businessman: ”Can you make a list of things you won’t be doing? … I just want a little piece of something to pass on to my kids 20 years from now.””
    — San Jose Mercury News, 26 Oct 97
  • “We have no intention of shipping another bloated OS and shoving it down the throats of our users.”
    — Paul Maritz, Microsoft group vice president
  • “Microsoft has gotten so big that it can put out a Preview that will install itself without checking first to see if it has expired. The message here is that Microsoft’s time is worth more than yours…. no start-up company could get away with being that arrogant.”
    — Jerry Pournelle, Byte Magazine
  • “Appeasement, said Winston Churchill, consists of being nice to a crocodile in the hope that he will eat you last. At the moment, the biggest crocodile in the world is Microsoft, and everybody is busy sucking up to it.”
    — John Naughton, the London Observer
  • “Every time you turn on your new car, you’re turning on 20 microprocessors. Every time you use an ATM, you’re using a computer. Every time I use a settop box or game machine, I’m using a computer. The only computer you don’t know how to work is your Microsoft computer, right?”
    — Scott McNealy, CEO, Sun Microsystems, Inc.
  • “Microsoft’s biggest and most dangerous contribution to the software industry may be the degree to which it has lowered user expectations.”
    — Esther Schindler, OS/2 Magazine
  • “Microsoft – Which end of the stick do you want today?”
    — Unknown

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , MS Funny Quotes

SQLAuthority New – O’relly Style Book Cover for SQLAuthority

Yo Ming, Chin regular reader from Los Angeles, CA has sent me following image for SQLAuthority. Checkout O’reillymaker and create your own Book Cover.

orellymaker SQLAuthority New   Orelly Style Book Cover for SQLAuthority

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , O’reillymaker