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Archive for the ‘SQL Humor’ Category

It has been long time since I wrote about SQL Humor. Following is the cartoon sent to me by many (more than 10 times) so far by many users. I did not publish it till now as it has been quite popular and I believed many people has already seen it. However, recently by one [...]

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Recently I came across two very interesting ‘objects’ of SQL Server 2008.
SQL Server 2008 High Resolution Wallpaper (click on image to see larger version)

SQL Server 2008 Screen Saver
Click Here to Download
Reference : Pinal Dave (http://www.SQLAuthority.com)

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On September 20, 2008 was one of the best day so far for Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group Meeting. We had two very interesting sessions by two SQL Server MVPs. SQL Server MVP Jacob Sebastian had began the meeting with very interesting introduction note.
Along with many news Usergroup President Jacob Sebastian announced that SQL Server [...]

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My previous article about Bill Gates SQLAuthority News - Famous Quotes From Bill Gates got really lots of readers and got lots of request in email that I should have follow up article about other famous quotes from Bill Gates which are missing from original article. This blog is not about Quotes but SQL Server, [...]

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Bill Gates Quotes -

“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”
“Until we’re educating every kid in a fantastic way, until every inner city is cleaned up, there is no shortage of things to do.”
“If I’d had some set idea of a finish line, don’t you think I would have [...]

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I am very pleased to write my 500th post. After 500 posts, I still have same feeling when I wrote first post on this blog. I would like to thank my family for their continuous support in writing this blog. Most of all I want to thank all of YOU for being wonderful readers of [...]

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I have received many emails that I should write more post like SQLAuthority News - SQL Joke, SQL Humor, SQL Laugh - Funny Quotes. If you want to read funny side of SQL and Technology you can surf my blog here SQL Humor. Following article is not copyrighted and is freely available here.

“640 K ought [...]

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Following is the collection of some funny quotes regarding computers.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Rich Cook.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius [...]

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Today is New Year and I wish you all Best for Year 2008. Let us all start our new year with motivational new year quote.
We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called “Opportunity” and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.
- [...]

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This is my favorite Dilbert.

Click on image to see large graphic.
Reference : Dilbert

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SQL SERVER - Cursor to Kill All Process in Database
SQL SERVER - Find Stored Procedure Related to Table in Database - Search in All Stored procedure
SQL SERVER - Shrinking Truncate Log File - Log Full
SQL SERVER - Simple Example of Cursor
SQL SERVER - UDF - Function to Convert Text String to Title Case - Proper [...]

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I have been working as Director of Technology in leading software industry in Las Vegas. I am responsible for Team Building and Product Management.The most important elements of Scrum are. These are presented below.
Scrum is organized around the following roles:

Product Owner - Determines what functionality is needed
ScrumMaster - Leads the Scrum and is primarily responsible [...]

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Yesterday I had posted my 300th post and I missed the announcement. One of my reader sent me following Image in email congratulating SQLAuthority blog for completing 300th post and also informing me that it has been long time I have posted something funny. I have written few articles about frequent SQL Server Errors on [...]

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In meeting with DBA friends one of my friend suggested while searching for “MSSQL Client” Microsoft returns you suggestion as “MySQL Client“. I did not believe it so I tested it myself. He was correct. Here is the screen shot.

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15 Signs to Identify Bad DBA
They think it is bug in SQL Server when two NULL values compared with each other but SQL Server does not say they equal to each other.
They do not rename the trigger name thinking it will not work after it is rename.
They are looking for difference between Index Scan [...]

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While searching WIKI I came across this oracle WIKI. I found this very funny. I have taken few quotes from this site. There are lot more stuff there.
The degree of normality in a database is inversely proportional to that of its DBA.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain [...]

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Visit search.SQLAuthority.com
I have been receiving many questions asking for tutorials, suggestions or questions about topics I already have wrote before but readers are have not found it or having difficulty to find them. I have almost around 200 articles on this blog so far and it is growing. One of the team member in my [...]

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One of my Friend send me(in email) following stored procedure. I laughed when I read it. Please enjoy it. It is here for amusement purpose only. Never use on development or production server. This is already dangerous you have been warned.
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom CHAR(NotBad),
@ Bride CHAR(Good)
[...]

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My friend send me this in email two days ago as he wanted me to have SQLAuthority T-Shirt with this image. I found it funny, I am not sure if I will have this on SQLAuthority T-Shirts. Please pay attention to the options available to select. I spend more than 3 hours to find the [...]

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Pay attention to the last line of the ingredients. I found this entry at Worse Than Failure. I found it humorous.

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