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Archive for the ‘SQL Humor’ Category

SQLAuthority News – Today is First April – April Fool’s Day

Posted in PostADay, SQL, SQL Authority, SQL Humor, SQL Query, SQL Server, SQL Tips and Tricks, T SQL, Technology on April 1, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

I was planning to write something technical today but I realize that today is April 1st, and it is April Fool’s Day. When I used to be kid, I really enjoyed this day. There was innocent fun to play a small prank on friends. As I grew older it started to fade off. Since couple of years, I am considering this day as more like day for fun and good laugh.

I got following images from very good friend through email. I will be stunned and speechless if this happens to me. Kudos to those who worked hard to pull the prank.

I tried to look up the source of the images but could not find where it was originally hosted. Hence it is here. Any good and funny link on the subject. You are welcome to share today.

Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

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SQL SERVER – 32 Bit – 64 Bit – HTML5 – Database Backup Restore

Posted in Pinal Dave, PostADay, SQL, SQL Authority, SQL Data Storage, SQL Humor, SQL Query, SQL Server, SQL Tips and Tricks, SQLServer, T SQL, Technology on March 27, 2011 | 9 Comments »

During TechEd India I was attending HTML5 session along with regular Database sessions. Couple of attendees were discussing database there and I find the incidence very interesting.

Note: Please take the whole discussion keeping humor as primary. There is no incident to disrespect anybody.

Attendee1: I wonder if this HTML5 works on 64-bit machine – hopefully they support it?
Attendee2: I think they will create HTML5 such a way that it will work on 32-bit and 64-bit machine.
Attendee1: Yeah they should.
Attendee2: I wonder how much work the product team developer have to do – they have to create 32-bit browser which supports 32-bit and 64-bit HTML5 and on 64-bit browser support for 32-bit and 64-bit HTML5.

I could not stop myself from speaking as I was listening this loud conversation sitting behind them.

Pinal: Hey, I think HTML5 is markup language and it will work on 32-bit and 64-bit browser without any special requirement. Just like earlier version of HTML there is no different coding for 32-bit or 64-bit browser.

Attendee1: Really!
Attednee2: Are you web developer too?
Pinal: Yes, I am web developer but I love to work on database technology.
Attendee1: Are you sure regarding there is no specific HTML for 64-bit machine?
Attendee2: Yeah. Tell me. Does your database back up from 64-bit work on 32-bit machine?
Pinal: Yes. You can restore database backup from 64-bit to 32-bit machine without issue, or vice-a-versa. Database backup is just a file and it can work independent of the version. Just like TXT file or JPG file.

Both of the attendees got very quite. Finally they whispered.

Attendee1: (Whispering) Let us try out what he is suggesting.
Attendee2: (Nodding Yes)
Pinal: (Looking at them with Wide Open Eyes).

Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

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SQL SERVER – A Funny Cartoon on Index

Posted in Pinal Dave, PostADay, SQL, SQL Authority, SQL Humor, SQL Index, SQL Query, SQL Server, SQL Tips and Tricks, T SQL, Technology on January 17, 2011 | 19 Comments »

Performance Tuning has been my favorite subject and I have done it for many years now. Today I will list one of the most common conversation about Index I have heard in my life.

Every single time, I am at consultation for performance tuning I hear following conversation among various team members. I want to ask you, does this kind of conversation happens in your organization?

Any way, If you think Index solves all of your performance problem I think it is not true. There are many other reason one has to consider along with Indexes. For example I consider following various topic one need to understand for performance tuning.

  • žLogical Query Processing
  • žEfficient Join Techniques
  • žQuery Tuning Considerations
  • žAvoiding Common Performance Tuning Issues
  • Statistics and Best Practices
  • žTempDB Tuning
  • žHardware Planning
  • žUnderstanding Query Processor
  • žUsing SQL Server 2005 and 2008 Updated Feature Sets
  • žCPU, Memory, I/O Bottleneck
  • Index Tuning (of course)
  • žMany more…

Well, I have written this blog thinking I will keep this blog post a bit easy and not load up. I will in future discuss about other performance tuning concepts. Let me know what do you think about the cartoon I made.

Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com)

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SQLAuthority News – MS Access Database is the Way to Go – April 1st Humor

Posted in Software Development, SQL, SQL Authority, SQL Humor, SQL Query, SQL Server, SQL Tips and Tricks, SQLAuthority News, T SQL, Technology, tagged on April 1, 2010 | 5 Comments »

First of all, today is April 1- April Fool’s Day, so I have written this post for some light entertainment. My friend has just sent me an email about why a person should go for Access Database. For a short background, I used to be an MS Access user once (I will not call myself MS Access DBA), and I must say I had a good time with Database at that time. As time passed by, I moved from MS Access to SQL Server. Well, as for my friend’s email, his reasons considering MS Access usage really made me laugh. MS Access may have a few points where it totally makes sense to use it. However, in the email that I received, there was not a single reason which was valid.  In fact, I thought it is an April 1st joke- just delivered a little earlier. Let us see some of the reasons from that email. Thanks to Mahesh Bhesania for sending this email to me.

  • MS Access comes with lots of free stuff, e.g. MS Excel
  • MS Access is the most preferred desktop database system
  • MS Access can import data from MS Excel and SQL Server
  • MS Access provides a real time database
  • MS Access has a free IDE-to-VB Script
  • MS Access fits well in your hard drive

I actually think that the above points are either incorrect beliefs of some users, or someone just wrote them to give some laughter with such inaccurate data. And, for the same reason I decided to browse the Internet and do some research on MS Access database to verify my thoughts.

While searching on this subject, I found the following two interesting statements from the site: Microsoft Access Database, Why Choose It?

  • Other software manufacturers are more likely to provide interfaces to MS Access than any other desktop database system
  • Microsoft Access consulting rates are typically lower for Access consultants compared to Oracle or SQL Server consultants

The second one is may be the worst reason for you to switch to MS Access if you are already an SQL Server consultant.

With this cartoon, have you ever felt like you were one of these chickens at some point in time? I guess that the moment might have just happened before the minute we say “I guess we were on the same page?” Does this mean we are IN the same table, or ON the same table?! (I accept bad joke!)

It is All Fools’ Day after all, so just laugh! If you have something funny but non-offensive to share, just  leave your comment here.

Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com), Cartoon source unknown.

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SQL SERVER – Comic Slow Query – SQL Joke

Posted in Pinal Dave, SQL, SQL Authority, SQL Humor, SQL Index, SQL Query, SQL Server, SQL Tips and Tricks, SQLAuthority Author Visit, SQLAuthority News, T SQL, Technology on October 13, 2009 | 8 Comments »

Community TechDays at Ahmedabad was a great successful event. In fact, this can be considered the biggest event held in Ahmedabad thus far along with the community. I have posted a detail report of the same at SQLAuthority News – Community TechDays in Ahmedabad – A Successful Event. After the event, I received many emails requesting the comic strip I had shown in my presentation.

I had presented two different comic strips: one before the presentation and the other after the presentation. Both the comic strips are shown here; if you click on the images, you can see the larger version. Let me know what you think of them. If you are interested in the whole session of “The other side of Index,” let me know so that I can present the same at your UG event as well.

Before Presentation

Click on the image to see the enlarged version

After Presentation

Click on the image to see the enlarged version

Let me know what you think about these.

Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com)

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